That Jane Fonda, who does she think she is? If she thinks she's got this workout record thing sewn up, she's got another thing coming. Step forward 1981's Rear of the Year winner, Felicity Kendal, with this posh effort. Well, posh as in her well-heeled voice is present, but the musical accompaniments are soundalikes so it's cheaper. Two songs by the Village People serve to motivate us, as 'feeling the burn' does reduce the agony a bit.
Fitness enthusiasts would play this record at 45rpm just to get it over with quicker, and UK hospitals were inundated by delerious middle-aged women in leotards and legwarmers, exclaiming that they were in the navy.
Back to teacore now and it's one of the best - Bernard Brooks! This is the first in a series of five compilations from his classic 'Swing & Sway' series. I can imagine that there's more swaying going on here than swinging, but we can't judge a book by its cover.
I was informed in the comments of my previous Bernard upload that we sadly lost the great man back in 2013, but the source is anonymous so can anyone confirm this? I've been able to find absolutely nothing about him such as what he did before he started releasing records, so if anyone can fill in the considerable blanks I'd be grateful.
Another old one has been dusted off; we have Jane Fonda with her legs stuck up in the air, inviting us to exert ourselves. This comes as a double LP, with one record for beginners and another for advanced masochists, eager to justify the money they've spent. It seems to have doneher some good though; she's in her mid 80s now!
It wasn't all plain sailing for Jane however. Just after she was born, her father Henry Fonda was given the news that Jane's heart was underdeveloped and drastic action was needed. The doctors said that they needed to give her a bacterial infection, to create an abscess. Shocked, Henry asked for an explanation. In response, the doctors said 'an abscess makes the heart grow, Fonda'.
What ho! This one makes for a jolly old shindig; a selection of music from the renowned 30s throwback, 'Jeeves and Wooster' starring Fry and Laurie. Here are some more recent recordings of music from the time, interspersed with dialogue provided by the same fellows.
You could do a lot worse than to search up a bit of 'Jeeves and Wooster' to watch, for it really is a treat. Generally it's posh twits getting into scrapes, with amusing twists leading to happy resolutions; much like every book Wodehouse wrote. That's not to denigrate the great man of course, for his mastery of the English language has no match; his work is truly exceptional.
Another re-up; this one marks a special day for me, as it's exactly ten years since I left a job I truly hated. I'm sure we've all had that feeling of walking out of places for the last time - or were we floating?
Anyway, we can certainly celebrate the birthdays of many well-known people. What about Alfred Hitchcock? He was an Essex boy don't you know. Or Rod Hull perhaps? Janet Yellen's birthday is today as well. I'm sure she could enjoy a lot of cake; never mind the resulting inflation.
But this one's dedicated to William Caxton who was born in 1422, maybe. He invented printing and is 600ish today! Nice one Bill. I hope you like disco.
As you can see, my copy is of a particularly garish nature. I'm not sure if some puke got invloved when the record was pressed, but it seems likely.
When your piano goes out of tune you have the option of asking a
piano tuner to fix it, but this can cost a bit much if you're not
selling many records. Surely it's better just to call it a 'honky tonk'
piano and be done with it.
Nick Nicholas chose the second option
and caused a sensation with his 'Honky Tonk Piano Party'. Even now,
sellers on Discogs are asking a whopping 37p for this fine album which
roughly equals the price of a Mars Bar. If you get it as part of a
multipack.
He plinks and plonks his way through many standards
which were popular in the early 1970s including the classic and much
covered 'Winchester Cathedral', Cliff Richard's 'Congratulations' and a
particularly jaunty version of 'Puppet on a String'.
So if you're
looking for something to help you work, rest and play, then you could do
worse than just getting that multipack of Mars Bars.
Another reup from years back and this one's the soundtrack from one of the best TV series ever made; it's reet canny laik. 'Auf Wiedersehen Pet' is the story of a group of builders moving to Dusseldorf, Germany in search of work and the scrapes they get in to along the weir.
The soundtrack features a lot of incidental and background music from the series as well as Joe Fagin's memorable theme tunes which ran at the start and end of each shore. I cannae g'enough man!
Try the first episode. If the Geordie accent is hard to understand, you'll be happy to find a Scoucer and a Brummy also in the cast, so don't worry.
The automatic subtitles generated by Youtube will help to clear things up I'm sure (no they won't).
I once showed a clip of this show to a Hungarian friend and he said 'don't tell me you can actually understand this'.. we'll I had some practice watching this fine series as a kid. If you think of English as your first language, you may need to think again!
Here's a treat - if you prefer vocalisations (da da das and oo oo be-dos) instead of lyrics, then this one's for you.
Back in 1960 Hi-Fis were obviously feeling a bit lonely as nobody could fit into the room in which they were installed, so Ray Conniff took pity and brought out 'Hi-Fi Companion' which features selected tracks from albums he'd done up to that time. He chose to omit tracks from albums he'd not yet done, but we'll forgive him for that as this is a corker.
Batchelors of 1960 soon found that this was the perfect accompaniment to drinking and smoking far too much, but with the veneer of class which this music provides, the resulting enlarged liver and emphysema were deemed worthwhile.
I found it difficult to find a copy of sufficient quality, so this particular upload was pieced together using CD quality tracks from those aforementioned albums so that you too can drink and smoke to excess whilst you pretend to be Don Draper.
Who's TV themes are these? Oh they're mine.. or maybe they're yours. I'm not sure. Maybe whoever reads the writing on the cover can lay claim to this masterpiece.
It's very generous of Geoff Love to award these themes to us, just for going to Age Concern and paying 99p. Or was it 26 shillings and elevenpence? It was obviously a confusing time when decimalisation came in as that would equal £1.34 and 1/2p (ish) so I got a bargain there. Up yours Age Concern! You've been done!
Anyway, feel free to sample the world of mostly UK TV themes circa 1972 as provided by Mr Love. Sid James is prominent on the cover due to the presence of sitcom 'Bless this House' which was pretty diabolical from the bits I've seen. 'Crossroads' is here and again it was terrible but the closing credits were fun to watch.
All are fairly loyal versions and were made to quell the civil unrest that the TV theme hysteria of that year caused. Looting was widespread and so these records were strategically placed among the broken glass and overturned Capris. Eventually the public was back to its usual docile self and all that could be heard were the soft sounds of the theme from 'Match of the Day' emanating from unrepaired windows.
Had you been listening closely to 'The Chicken Song' on the previous offering from Spitting Image, you may be wondering who 'those two wet gits with their girly, curly hair' are and they're these two.
Previously uploaded to X-Y-Z-Cosmonaut's blog in 2006, this rip hasn't dated at all. It still sounds just as crap and my joke about sex with fish is just as bad. If you are about to do a conger, just make sure that you insert it into the correct end.
This extended mix features instructions on how to have an especially good time dancing and two key changes. They wanted to keep the key changes going, but it turned out that only bats could hear the end of the original mix so they had to abandon it.
Now for some cutting-edge satire from 36 years ago, courtesy of Spitting Image. There's a lot packed on to this record, so I'll pick out a few random bits for mentioning here.
A note for non-UK residents - you may not understand a lot of characters and references, but you'll probably recognise enough to make this worth downloading. Er, well not 'worth downloading' exactly, but if you're bedbound with a broken pelvis then it may take your mind away from the pain somewhat.
There's a fair bit of royal family here, but from 1986. Diana, Philip and Princess Margaret aren't dead, Andrew's not shamed, Charles isn't quite such a sanctimonious arse and Harry is a tiny babe in arms; he has yet to grow into a sanctimonious arse.
There's ZZ Top singing about their beards and being interrupted by John Cole (BBC journalist) for some inexplicable reason. What about 'The Chicken Song'? That's here. We have Margaret Thatcher and Neil Kinnock sparring in the House of Commons and there's an unfortunate song called 'I've never met a nice South African' which reflects attitudes towards the shunned SA of 1986. Funny, but many South Africans are now living here and I've not met a bad one.
The President of the USA also gets mocked for being scatterbrained - imagine that.
Worthy of note are a couple of names cutting their comedy teeth. We have Chris Barrie and Harry Enfield before their success, providing dodgy impressions for cash. The better part of Spitting image is the puppets, so having an audio-only experience falls about as flat as this record. However this is Pigeonshit after all, so it clears the bar nicely.
Stuck indoors? Bored? Lonely? Great! You're in the perfect frame of mind! Get downloading and remain seated whilst you enjoy some of the best old rubbish that a stylus ever encountered.
