As a little change, here's the (in)famous work of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, known in this instance as 'Derek & Clive' - they went out of their way to be offensive, and so if you are easily offended please listen to this as you need to toughen up a bit.
For instance, the record 'Come Again' starts with the duo calling us cunts. On 'Ad Nauseam' Clive explains how the dead Pope John Paul gave him an erection, and the 'Live' album opens with Clive's tale of removing lobsters from Jayne Mansfield's arsehole.
My records are well-used and scratchy so these copies are taken from other 'cleaner' sources.
Given that these are instrumentals, the idea of singing along loses its allure somewhat, they've not even supplied the words! This is an outrage!
However, the reedy charm of these accordion-infested tunes goes some way to calm us, as well as the medley format which bestows its own special influence upon our frayed nerves. There are only a couple of tracks here which aren't medleys, including the great 'Rivers of Babylon'. The Diamond Accordion band was obviously aware that to place that classic within a medley would have undone all their good work and caused considerable consternation to its placid audience.
In 1976, Geoff Love decided to board the disco bandwagon and do some of his special work on a selection of tracks, jamming in as many disco cliches as he could. Large amounts of hi-hats were worn out and never was a violin glissando missed.
This record has just been released from a 40 year quarantine as, for reasons of national security, it was found to have far exceeded the excitement quotas laid down by the 1973 UN Boogie Summit, held in Bolivia. The fear of potential insurrection and political instability caused by listeners to this record "feeling excessively groovy" was enough to cause both Western governments and those behind the Iron Curtain to take action against Geoff Love and the label, MFP.
Although the back cover has a stamp from the original outlet stating
'Not Exchangeable', this record is definitely a keeper. And it's not just because of the girl on the front (I bet she's feeling a draft!)..
Many a tune is
treated to some military spit and polish; for instance 'Tea for Two'
which is interspersed with marching band drums aplenty, Tom Jones' 'I
Did What I Did for Maria' getting the drill treatment and the unlikely
'Chirpy Chirpy, Cheep Cheep' which is reinforced by the er,
Also including Moorhouse's own 'Funky Fever' which is a veritable aural invasion in its own right.
Sensing that he was on to a good thing, Dennis decided to produce More Happy Dancing for his bloodthirsty gang to foist on the unsuspecting. However, it seems that his music is an aquired taste, and he had no problem selling vast numbers of units this time. Big Ron had to go back to his former job of driving an ice cream van, and Ernie decided to retire in order to spend more time with his wife, Gladys, and his grandchildren.
Now that we've stopped opening Christmas presents (and credit card statements), it's time to get back to the Teacore briefly; this time courtesy of Dennis Hayward and his 'organisation'.
Faced with dwindling record sales back in the 80s due to the success of Des O'Connor and Foster and Allen, Dennis formed this band of brigands to encourage local shops and businesses to sample his wares. When visited by 'Big Roy' - the tall one - they could choose whether to 'rent' this record at a vastly inflated price or 'things might get broken'.
They would then have to play the record constantly, and Ernie (on the right) would often show up to ensure this was the case. Don't be fooled by his amiable disposition on the cover; if faced with the sound of any other music he would immediately launch a furious attack and show them their own entrails.
The naked aggression of Dennis and his 'organisation' really comes through at the end of the song
'Lambeth Walk' when they shout 'Oi!' in unison - a sound known to bring all and sundry to their knees in terror.