Here's a possible introduction to one John Shuttleworth, who's become somewhat of a national treasure here in the UK over the past 30 odd years (I think so anyway). In short, he's a fictional singer songwriter who plays on cheap keyboards and he's funny.
He did a couple of BBC radio series over 20 years ago with some special guests; some of whom are now no longer with us. Patrick Moore, Richard Whitely and Tony Hart give good accounts of themselves, but my favourite bit is John's duet with Barbara Dickson in series two, regarding the sale of a cabin bed.
That Jane Fonda, who does she think she is? If she thinks she's got this workout record thing sewn up, she's got another thing coming. Step forward 1981's Rear of the Year winner, Felicity Kendal, with this posh effort. Well, posh as in her well-heeled voice is present, but the musical accompaniments are soundalikes so it's cheaper. Two songs by the Village People serve to motivate us, as 'feeling the burn' does reduce the agony a bit.
Fitness enthusiasts would play this record at 45rpm just to get it over with quicker, and UK hospitals were inundated by delerious middle-aged women in leotards and legwarmers, exclaiming that they were in the navy.
Back to teacore now and it's one of the best - Bernard Brooks! This is the first in a series of five compilations from his classic 'Swing & Sway' series. I can imagine that there's more swaying going on here than swinging, but we can't judge a book by its cover.
I was informed in the comments of my previous Bernard upload that we sadly lost the great man back in 2013, but the source is anonymous so can anyone confirm this? I've been able to find absolutely nothing about him such as what he did before he started releasing records, so if anyone can fill in the considerable blanks I'd be grateful.
Another old one has been dusted off; we have Jane Fonda with her legs stuck up in the air, inviting us to exert ourselves. This comes as a double LP, with one record for beginners and another for advanced masochists, eager to justify the money they've spent. It seems to have doneher some good though; she's in her mid 80s now!
It wasn't all plain sailing for Jane however. Just after she was born, her father Henry Fonda was given the news that Jane's heart was underdeveloped and drastic action was needed. The doctors said that they needed to give her a bacterial infection, to create an abscess. Shocked, Henry asked for an explanation. In response, the doctors said 'an abscess makes the heart grow, Fonda'.
What ho! This one makes for a jolly old shindig; a selection of music from the renowned 30s throwback, 'Jeeves and Wooster' starring Fry and Laurie. Here are some more recent recordings of music from the time, interspersed with dialogue provided by the same fellows.
You could do a lot worse than to search up a bit of 'Jeeves and Wooster' to watch, for it really is a treat. Generally it's posh twits getting into scrapes, with amusing twists leading to happy resolutions; much like every book Wodehouse wrote. That's not to denigrate the great man of course, for his mastery of the English language has no match; his work is truly exceptional.
Another re-up; this one marks a special day for me, as it's exactly ten years since I left a job I truly hated. I'm sure we've all had that feeling of walking out of places for the last time - or were we floating?
Anyway, we can certainly celebrate the birthdays of many well-known people. What about Alfred Hitchcock? He was an Essex boy don't you know. Or Rod Hull perhaps? Janet Yellen's birthday is today as well. I'm sure she could enjoy a lot of cake; never mind the resulting inflation.
But this one's dedicated to William Caxton who was born in 1422, maybe. He invented printing and is 600ish today! Nice one Bill. I hope you like disco.
As you can see, my copy is of a particularly garish nature. I'm not sure if some puke got invloved when the record was pressed, but it seems likely.
When your piano goes out of tune you have the option of asking a
piano tuner to fix it, but this can cost a bit much if you're not
selling many records. Surely it's better just to call it a 'honky tonk'
piano and be done with it.
Nick Nicholas chose the second option
and caused a sensation with his 'Honky Tonk Piano Party'. Even now,
sellers on Discogs are asking a whopping 37p for this fine album which
roughly equals the price of a Mars Bar. If you get it as part of a
multipack.
He plinks and plonks his way through many standards
which were popular in the early 1970s including the classic and much
covered 'Winchester Cathedral', Cliff Richard's 'Congratulations' and a
particularly jaunty version of 'Puppet on a String'.
So if you're
looking for something to help you work, rest and play, then you could do
worse than just getting that multipack of Mars Bars.
Another reup from years back and this one's the soundtrack from one of the best TV series ever made; it's reet canny laik. 'Auf Wiedersehen Pet' is the story of a group of builders moving to Dusseldorf, Germany in search of work and the scrapes they get in to along the weir.
The soundtrack features a lot of incidental and background music from the series as well as Joe Fagin's memorable theme tunes which ran at the start and end of each shore. I cannae g'enough man!
Try the first episode. If the Geordie accent is hard to understand, you'll be happy to find a Scoucer and a Brummy also in the cast, so don't worry.
The automatic subtitles generated by Youtube will help to clear things up I'm sure (no they won't).
I once showed a clip of this show to a Hungarian friend and he said 'don't tell me you can actually understand this'.. we'll I had some practice watching this fine series as a kid. If you think of English as your first language, you may need to think again!
Here's a treat - if you prefer vocalisations (da da das and oo oo be-dos) instead of lyrics, then this one's for you.
Back in 1960 Hi-Fis were obviously feeling a bit lonely as nobody could fit into the room in which they were installed, so Ray Conniff took pity and brought out 'Hi-Fi Companion' which features selected tracks from albums he'd done up to that time. He chose to omit tracks from albums he'd not yet done, but we'll forgive him for that as this is a corker.
Batchelors of 1960 soon found that this was the perfect accompaniment to drinking and smoking far too much, but with the veneer of class which this music provides, the resulting enlarged liver and emphysema were deemed worthwhile.
I found it difficult to find a copy of sufficient quality, so this particular upload was pieced together using CD quality tracks from those aforementioned albums so that you too can drink and smoke to excess whilst you pretend to be Don Draper.
Who's TV themes are these? Oh they're mine.. or maybe they're yours. I'm not sure. Maybe whoever reads the writing on the cover can lay claim to this masterpiece.
It's very generous of Geoff Love to award these themes to us, just for going to Age Concern and paying 99p. Or was it 26 shillings and elevenpence? It was obviously a confusing time when decimalisation came in as that would equal £1.34 and 1/2p (ish) so I got a bargain there. Up yours Age Concern! You've been done!
Anyway, feel free to sample the world of mostly UK TV themes circa 1972 as provided by Mr Love. Sid James is prominent on the cover due to the presence of sitcom 'Bless this House' which was pretty diabolical from the bits I've seen. 'Crossroads' is here and again it was terrible but the closing credits were fun to watch.
All are fairly loyal versions and were made to quell the civil unrest that the TV theme hysteria of that year caused. Looting was widespread and so these records were strategically placed among the broken glass and overturned Capris. Eventually the public was back to its usual docile self and all that could be heard were the soft sounds of the theme from 'Match of the Day' emanating from unrepaired windows.
Had you been listening closely to 'The Chicken Song' on the previous offering from Spitting Image, you may be wondering who 'those two wet gits with their girly, curly hair' are and they're these two.
Previously uploaded to X-Y-Z-Cosmonaut's blog in 2006, this rip hasn't dated at all. It still sounds just as crap and my joke about sex with fish is just as bad. If you are about to do a conger, just make sure that you insert it into the correct end.
This extended mix features instructions on how to have an especially good time dancing and two key changes. They wanted to keep the key changes going, but it turned out that only bats could hear the end of the original mix so they had to abandon it.
Now for some cutting-edge satire from 36 years ago, courtesy of Spitting Image. There's a lot packed on to this record, so I'll pick out a few random bits for mentioning here.
A note for non-UK residents - you may not understand a lot of characters and references, but you'll probably recognise enough to make this worth downloading. Er, well not 'worth downloading' exactly, but if you're bedbound with a broken pelvis then it may take your mind away from the pain somewhat.
There's a fair bit of royal family here, but from 1986. Diana, Philip and Princess Margaret aren't dead, Andrew's not shamed, Charles isn't quite such a sanctimonious arse and Harry is a tiny babe in arms; he has yet to grow into a sanctimonious arse.
There's ZZ Top singing about their beards and being interrupted by John Cole (BBC journalist) for some inexplicable reason. What about 'The Chicken Song'? That's here. We have Margaret Thatcher and Neil Kinnock sparring in the House of Commons and there's an unfortunate song called 'I've never met a nice South African' which reflects attitudes towards the shunned SA of 1986. Funny, but many South Africans are now living here and I've not met a bad one.
The President of the USA also gets mocked for being scatterbrained - imagine that.
Worthy of note are a couple of names cutting their comedy teeth. We have Chris Barrie and Harry Enfield before their success, providing dodgy impressions for cash. The better part of Spitting image is the puppets, so having an audio-only experience falls about as flat as this record. However this is Pigeonshit after all, so it clears the bar nicely.
I wasn't sure what to expect from this judging by the cover; it looked like a comedy album but it's just a load of laid-back country music provided by Bob Blaine. He's not a big name in country music; perhaps because he was born in Liverpool.
It might have been very amusing to have his songs performed in a scouse accent, but alas it was not to be. The gun he's sporting on the back cover must have come in handy though.
Although my tastes lie more towards the rockabilly end of things, I often state to friends that I'm a 'country member', and they reply with 'yes, we remember'.
Travel with me back to around 1960; a young, fresh-faced Herr Wunderlich has grown concerned that the car boot sales and thrift stores of future decades may not have enough records. He's decided to do something about this awful dearth of cheap old schallplatten, producing his opening opus - Hammond Concerto - in mono.
Keen to capitalise on this philanthropic gesture, Telefunken soon decides to add to the pile with a stereo version which found its way into my arms via the Brighton Marina car boot sale over 50 years later.
Unfortunately the picture of Klaus which was used for the original was accidentally sat on and badly creased, so it couldn't be used for the stereo version. Below is a picture of the youthful Klaus from that original record. He's almost unrecognisable but for that hard stare we all know and love.
The content of 'Hammond Concerto' can definitely be classified as light music; it reminds me of short low budget films produced in the USA at about that time, in which first dates at wiener roasts might be portrayed.
After the visual treat above, the cover of my record is a little lacking but the promise of stereo almost makes up for it.
Edward Woodward's acting prowess is well known, but not so many are aware of his singing talent as displayed on this special record which is posted here for your lasting enjoyment.
You'll notice the vibrato technique he employs throughout. A few methods were tried to achieve this; at first he would sit on a washing machine which has entered its spin cycle, but it would get a bit noisy for the studio and he'd have to stop and get off whilst fabric softener was added. Not ideal.
Then a London bus was seen as the solution. However he could only get one or two lines out whilst the bus was picking up passengers and the orchestra was very confused by the conductor.
Finally the production crew settled on a soundproof room, placed on top of a cart which was slowly moved up and down a cobbled street. I think you'll find that all the effort was worth it.
You'll be pleased to hear that the bass, midrange and treble are in perfect proportion on the record, so this rip did not need the bass, midrange or treble adjusting.
..includes a faithful rendition of Frank Sinatra's 'My Way' which I always find ironic.
By the way, many visitors here may not be aware of the classic series Callan in which he starred. Here's a link to start you off. I'm sure you won't be put off by the black and whiteness of the first series, but Callan does go to colour later and there's also a decent colour feature film if you look for it (the 1974 one).
Of all papier-mache headed people from the Greater Manchester area, Frank Sidebottom is perhaps the most well known and with good reason. His talent for cover versions knew no bounds; for instance his tribute to Queen and Kylie is a work of true genius. Much as I would like to own more of his records and CDs, it's increasingly hard to find them (at least for somone as tight-fisted as me). I'm now reduced to picking up scraps, although I've spotted a nice cache of Frank here which I'll be checking out.
These offerings were perloined from one of the many streaming services active these days and as such, it's a bit patchy. As well as a complete copy of 'Frank's Firm Favourites', I have a selection of tracks from his SciFi EP. There's no exact match on Discogs so I have to assume that a few tracks were left out due to licensing issues and.. hang on, is anyone still reading this bit?
Frank's Firm Favourites was recorded in 1985 and so the tracks are inspired by music from around that time in the UK. The medley is the high point, where his transitions can be jarring but we're too busy laughing about the last bit so we don't care.
The Sci-Fi bit is an incomplete collection of tracks as I said, but in a 'this or nothing' situation I've not been a choosing beggar so I took what I could and was grateful for it. If you had listened to your mum, you would be too.
Gesundheit! Here's one of those soundtracks which really got under my skin when this film was on telly back in the 90s. So much so, I recorded both the start and ending themes onto a cassette from my video recording if memory serves.
Then fast forward about ten years, when whilst flicking through some CDs in MVC (remember that?) I found this gem. I don't know if the shop had subsidence problems, but I found it got very shakey at about that time and I found myself hanging on to a cardboard cutout of Shania Twain for support.
There's plenty here for anyone planning a heist; as for shooting one person a minute however, the gunshot noise and attendant screaming is going to interfere with your particular enjoyment of this soundtrack.
As a nice follow up to the previous Rainbow post, here's the multitalented overactor* and musician Matt Berry with an offering reminiscent of those 'cover version' TV theme records of years gone by. As is usually the case with those old records, there are several tweaks here and it all works rather well!
With the first track 'Are You Being Served?' we're treated to a particularly loungey but faithful presentation, 'Blankety Blank' has a nice improvised addition and Dr Who gets a glam rock makeover which reminds me of KLF's 'The Timelords - Doctorin' the Tardis'.
The theme from Ronny Corbett's 'Sorry!' is overhauled with a reggae flavour and there are several TV ident jingles sprinkled amongst it all for good measure.
This has to be one of my slower rips, as this one has languished on my hard drive since 2009! In the meantime I lost the record and found it again recently, so now I can take a decent picture of the front and back covers for your perusal.
This record is nearly 50 years old believe it or not, and comes from a time when rainbows were merely white light which has been refracted, rather than symbols of subversive social movements. Indeed, this Rainbow would never have considered dressing in drag in order to entertain children, although one costume in particular is very suspect here.
This release is from before my Rainbow viewership began and some of the puppets appear to be a bit strange; I'm not sure what those hand puppets are or what might have happened to them. Perhaps Zippy ate them in the green room, or Bungle sat on them.
Whilst looking around at Rainbow-related matters, I was appalled to find that Geoffrey Hayes had died back in 2018, so rest in peace Geoffrey - I hate to think of the state of the place now that you've gone.
Despite the cover there are no appearances by George, Zippy et al. but the record is filled out by the show's resident workshy layabouts of that time - Telltale. They are responsible for the show's famous theme tune which is first up, but don't stop there as some of the tracks have some decent hooks and they're pretty competently put together.
There's 'Autumn's really here' which characterises that season by the proclivity of some birds to congregate on telephone wires. What about the groovy 'Bookworm Song' which lays down some fine nursery rhymes and there's 'Everything in the Garden Smells Sweet' which on occasion sounds suspiciously like 'Everything in the Garden Smells of Weed'. Bloody hippies.
After another extended absence, more fine items are to be added to this blog in a manner of fits and starts, fitting and starting with Christian Bruhn's excellent Captain Future soundtrack.
Due to the worldwide flu rebranding which the last couple of years has brought us, the author of this blog died - but was reborn after benefitting from a special experimental suppository produced by Pfizer and installed by CEO Albert Bourla himself.
The results were so spectacular that Albert's mind was briefly distracted from his stinky fingers.
Please do remember to take precautions however and squirt sanitiser into both ears before listening.
This is one of those soundtracks which I love but I've never watched the thing and don't intend to. After watching Stridulum (or The Visitor) which is a film accompanied by another soundtrack I love, I've learned not to push my luck.
This upload is of the soundtrack made (I presume) for a German audience, but as a special extra, I've added a single of the theme from the Italian redub. The B side is amazing!
Stuck indoors? Bored? Lonely? Great! You're in the perfect frame of mind! Get downloading and remain seated whilst you enjoy some of the best old rubbish that a stylus ever encountered.
