Christmas Rap

People are forever asking me, 'have you got any Christmas-related rap music?' and I usually say 'no' and try to change the subject. Otherwise I might let slip that I own this record, which aside from the excellent Run DMC's 'Christmas in Hollis' is full of some pretty terrible stuff - but perfect for this blog at this time of year.



Some sample lyrics -

Break out the egg nog
Don't forget to feed the dog
Here's a big turkey
Don't eat that hog

Christmas Rap

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Fair on the Heath

As everyone knows, it's party season - and here's the perfect record. There comes a point in every party when you just want everyone to sod off, and the brandishment of this recording should get those freeloading bastards off your property in no time.



As a double whammy, you can recite some of the details on the back cover, maybe placing emphasis on certain words to heighten any perception of your interest in Gavioli organs. Beware however, as party-lingerers are statistically more likely to have a genuine interest in such matters.

Fair on the Heath 78Mb

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Rogero's Brazilian Brass - Musica da Noite

While this record contains some great loungey covers courtesy of Cyril Stapleton, I'm afraid it's about as Brazilian as bread and dripping - I was looking forward to some cha-chas or fandangos from the very accomplished-looking musicians on the cover (that big one serves to show you should learn to play the trumpet without looking at the buttons), but it's a Latin flatline.

From a lounge-covers point of view however, phooar - I wasn't disappointed..!




Rogero's Brazilian Brass - Musica da Noite 65Mb

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Boney M - Oceans of Fantasy

Time for more Boney M, and this time a salty offering from the depths of the Boney M barrel.




No expense was spared when it came to the LP cover which folds out into a quadruple gatefold, with the diamond-encrusted group members posing in their enchanted sea-kingdom..



Boney M - Oceans of Fantasy 98Mb

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The Krankies - It's Fan-Dabi-Dozi

With it being late December, I thought it might be an idea to venture from my shoebox under the stairs with some aural baubels to distract from the apalling drudgery the festive season brings.




So I'm starting off lazily by adding a re-up from times yonder, no less than The Krankies. I'm sure every kid remembers that moment when they found out Jimmy Krankie was actually a woman and she was married to her own 'dad' - this betrayal destroyed my enjoyment of children's variety acts thereafter. I grew convinced that Bernie Clifton ate human flesh, and that The Great Soprendo wanted to kill me.

Fan-Dabi-Dozi!

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The Geoff Love Sound - Banjo Movie Parade

And sticking with the banjos, here's Mr Love jumping on the bandwagon as Britain officially goes banjo mad in the 70s.. Deliverance was very popular of course and there was the fondly remembered chocolate bar which XYZ has mentioned, but I didn't like the red ones.



Banjo Movie Parade 68Mb

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Big Ben Banjo Band - Big Ben Strikes Again

Here's Norrie Paramor with his Big Ben Banjo Band for your enjoyment, but there are other instruments too so don't worry.


Big Ben had to leave the band eventually as it only knew one tune, and could never fit in a studio - making it available only for live work - in the Westminster area.

Big Ben Strikes Again 72Mb

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Boney M

Time for an offering or three from producer Frank Farian, in the form of Boney M. A band name inspired by Napoleon Bonaparte (sort of), and a band composed of two singers and two mutes.

Farian kept Bobby Farrell's and Maizie Williams' vocal chords in a safe deposit box under the terms of their contracts, in the Vokalsbank in Germany.

He then underwent an operation to perfect his falsetto, and the resulting material put into his throat to graft on a second larynx. Afterwards becoming highly skilled in the art of throwing his voice so the band could do live performances..

Due to interest over which versions these are, I have included the catalogue numbers -

Take the Heat Off Me '76 K50314 68Mb
Love For Sale '77 SD19145 78Mb
Nightflight to Venus '78 K50498 84Mb

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Fairground Fantasia in Stereo

Roll up! Roll up! A little tip for those who don't merely look at the pictures - you need to get this, as this contains 'Over the Waves' which is the one tune most people will think of when they imagine a fairground..

I like to think of them more as 'unfairgrounds', being full of local chavs charged over the odds for low-quality confectionery and weak centrifugal forces, but maybe I'm just an old git.

Fairground Fantasia in Stereo 76Mb

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The Secret Record of Adrian Mole aged Thirteen and Three Quarters

Sept 12, 2009

Sat around picking my nose and ripping crap records. One of them sounded like the dog had dragged it out of the coal shed, but it sounded lovely on Bert Baxter's gramophone when I tried it, I probably got that idea because I'm an intellectual.

Some of the tracks are truly appalling, and others fill me with such angst - such as 'Sorry, Gotta Do It' with its synth-punches Barry Kent throws (thank goodness I have my poetry). I don't know where the original Ian Dury theme got to, the last I heard it was here.

I'm glad I got the beetroot juice off the cover after bumping into a half-empty jar on Bert's sideboard, I thought some had splashed on my face as well. But just my luck - more spots!

Copyright Sloth Townsend

Adrian Mole - The Musical 70Mb

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The BBC 1922 - 1972

Now for another 50th anniversary record (and re-up)- this time it's the BBC, the oldest broadcaster in the world. Set up in 1922, its remit under its Royal Charter is to -

'be entirely independent of any private or governmental influence. It is thereby required to be free from both political and commercial influence and answer only to its viewers and listeners.'

Hmmm..

Anyway here's the record (with a bit of WWII as well naturally enough), saluting the organisation which brought us Neighbours, The Teletubbies, hours of bloody cricket, Big Break, Andi Peters, Mr Blobby, hours of bloody snooker, The Archers, etc.






The BBC 1922 - 1972 158Mb

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Don Estelle and Windsor Davies - Sing Lofty

Finally in this war of attrition, we have the soothing tones of Lofty/Don Estelle coupled with the harsh tones of Windsor Davies' Sergeant-Major Williams. Windsor Davies doesn't sing that much (or at all- when he does pipe up he tends toward a William Shatner talky style) but is included as nobody would have bought the LP otherwise.

Shame, as Don (who sadly died in 2003) had a singing voice which harks back to the 30s - a lot of songs here sound like they're from the Singing Detective soundtrack, and one or two are. This up includes 'Whispering Grass' which doesn't appear on the record but I've thrown it in because I'm so nice.

More recently Don had a brief role as 'Little Don' in the first series of 'The League of Gentlemen' as a zookeeper looking after the 'Roundabout Zoo' - a zoo on a roundabout island in the road.



Windsor Davies is still around of course, and 80 next year! I used to think he was the hardest man on telly - he was the Phil Mitchell of the 70s.. I could probably deck him now, though.

2019 Update - Sadly we lost Windsor Davies in January this year, but he made it all the way to 88! Well done sir and I was only joking about decking you.

MOVE YOURSELVES! MOVE YOURSELVES!

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Klaus Wunderlich - In The Miller Mood

Don your flight jackets and hand out some stockings and gum! Dere's a pack o' Camels each in it for ya boys, get da stuff from da BBC film crew over dere..

On his Pigeonshit debut, Herr Wunderlich brings us the soothing vibes of Glenn Miller - with a sprinkling of his own style, of course. He sure knows how to knock 'em out on his fancy new Wersi Helios - and can't resist sticking the odd Moogy bit in here and there either, to freshen those old classics for our ears.

What could be more in the spirit of reconciliation? It is indeed a tear-jerking thought that a German should pay tribute to Glenn Miller, who was such a morale boosting inspiration for the Allied forces. But perhaps not surprising, if we remember that many ordinary Germans at that time weren't having that much fun. Klaus may well have seen a liberation, not an invasion.

This could however just be the result of a guilty conscience - we still don't know what happened to that plane, do we Klaus?

Klaus Wunderlich - In The Miller Mood 71Mb

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Clive Dunn - Permission to Sing Sir

And this is an opportune moment for another Dad's Army addition(re-up), my original blurb-

I didn't expect much from this record, but some of these tracks are very good! The first track, 'Permission to Sing Sir' ends up like the theme to 'the Red Hand gang', with lots of kids singing 'la la la'. Dunn tries his best with the 'la la' stuff but fails and improvises instead.'Simone' is a track which could have been lifted from a Small Faces album- on looking at the credits for this song, I spy the name Hawkshaw! He gets everywhere..

If that doesn't grab you, try Corporal Jones's rendition of 'What the World Needs Now is Love', by Bacharach - played by John Nettles of course.

Dunn is still keen on dressing up as someone 30 years his senior in his spare time, which unfortunately means that he pretends to be dead. 'He spends all day lying in a shallow ditch at the bottom of the garden after rubbing putrifying offal into his clothes' said his long-suffering wife. 'It's a good job he's a butcher, meat can be so expensive' she added.

And the LP cover? They don't like it up 'em.

Clive Dunn - Permission to Sing Sir 62Mb

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Dad's Army - The Radio Shows

Don't tell him, Pike!
Continuing the war theme, here's all three series of the Dad's Army radio shows - adapted from telly. I thought I'd add it as it was made with money extorted from us Brits (much like war itself!), but keep it quiet - loose lips and all that.

After this well-loved sit-com had finished, the characters had mixed fortunes. Private Walker did well selling his crisps of course, Sergeant Wilson built a sporting goods empire and Mrs Fox made a fortune from her biscuits, as well as having chart success with the hit 'Imagine Me, Imagine You'.

Alas, Captain Mainwaring fell on hard times - and still works in Walmington-on-Sea, for one of the larger supermarket chains.



Not ripped by me, bitrates vary but each half hour show is about 5Mb - 7Mb. Sound quality is just fine. Archives can be extracted independently.

Series 1 + 'The Story of..' 158Mb
Series 2 136Mb
Series 3 170Mb

As a special extra, here's the spin-off radio series 'It sticks out half a mile' from 1983. Starring Bill Pertwee, Ian Lavender and John Le Mesurier.

It Sticks Out Half a Mile 211Mb

Shine on Harvey Moon

As we celebrate the anniversary now of Hitler and Stalin carving up Poland between them (since we ended up on the same side as Stalin, this detail is forgotten along with the ten million-odd Ukrainians he killed off in the 30s, but anyway!), here's a nice mix of 40s bits and bobs along with the theme tune to the show, all recorded in the early 80s, marvellous!


Stanleeey!! 83Mb

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Salute in Sound - 50th Anniversary of the RAF

Alright you chaps, listen to me.

Group Capt. Douglas Bader, the man with the tin legs, celebrates the (then) 50th anniversary of the RAF by putt-putt-putting out this record describing a few of the old pre-war planes, as well as hurricanes, spitfires and more recent jet-propelled planes.

Listen to that voice - there's the grit and determination there which helped defeat the menace of the Luftwaffe, and helped him end up in Colditz, along with David McCallum and John Mills.

After he left the RAF he starred as that indispensable butler in 'The Admirable Crichton', and after he died he had his whole body made out of tin - and went on to more success in 'Red Dwarf'.

A statue of him was recently unveiled at Goodwood, near Chichester. The sculptor thought it fitting that since the statue was metal, then it should have real legs, and there seems to be no shortage of replacements from the nearby St Richard's Hospital. Good thing too - as the legs start to smell before long - if they aren't first dragged away by stray dogs.

Salute in Sound - 50th Anniversary of the RAF 75Mb

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The Singing Detective

Before I go any further, this isn't the 2003 Hollywood version of 'The Singing Detective' - that soundtrack has probably got 'New Kids on the Block' on it or some rapping.

This is mostly pre-war stuff, but who cares? There's some very laid-back music here.

There are also two of the most famous songs from WWII - Lili Marlene (sung here in both English and German no less!) and Vera Lynn's crowning glory, with another tedious yarn..

During the early years of the war, things were tough for everyone - including Vera Lynn. Like most, she would suppliment her rations by eating any hedgehogs or rabbits she found run over by cars in the road. But even this food source became scarce, and prompted the line 'Wheel meat again, don't know where, don't know when..'

I joke about rapping, but there seems to be a mid-song talky bit in The Ink Spots' 'Do I Worry?' - do they think they're 2Unlimited or what?

The Singing Detective 56Mb

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Britain Can Take It!

Here's a timely upload, this cover is what I presume is a publicity shot taken ready for the then upcoming 'Operation Pied Piper' to go into effect, where children (mostly) were ferried out of the cities to safer spots in the country. The back cover says the picture was taken on August 29th, 1939, making it 70 years and 2 days old! But wait, according to Wikipedia-

'The official evacuation was declared on August 31st, but began on September 1st..'

That's 70 years ago right now, so happy 70th, 'Operation Pied Piper'!!

Yes, thousands of children were assembled at train stations all over, ready for their evacuations - but I won't go too much into how they went to the toilet in those days.

Strange about the name though, as in the story 'The Pied Piper', the children were led away to be drowned (in the version I know), or held for ransom - and it took place in Germany..

Anyway, there's some real wartime treats here - Noel Coward does a couple of ditties, there's 3 from George Formby including 'Mr Wu's an air raid warden now', (I'm glad they had the ARP wardens to look after the synthesisers) and Arthur Askey with 'The Thing-ummy-bob', a celebration of the advantages to security which compartmentalisation brings.

Bringing up the rear, a stirring song aimed at the Axis forces and their misgided ideologies of racial supremacy, called 'The Jap and the Wop and the Hun'.

So roll up for a rip-roaring, coupon saving, banana wanting, egg powdering ride down the bomb damaged music hall (still open for business).

I Thang Yow!

Britain Can Take It! 52Mb

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Electronic Organs Today vols 1 & 2

You give them a fiver to wash your car and they leave streaks of dirt still on it, they hang around outside newsagents asking if you can buy fags* for them - and I caught one doing its 'tag' on my front wall the other night. Tsk! Electronic organs today!

* For any US readers, fags are what an Englishman sticks in his mouth, and then sets fire to.

Electronic Organs Today vol 1 85Mb

Electronic Organs Today vol 2 75Mb

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